I am overwhelmed with things I ought to have written about and never found the proper words.
It just happens to be the way that I’m made. I have to write things down to feel I fully comprehend them.
I write entirely to find out what I’m thinking, what I’m looking at, what I see, and what it means. What I want and what I fear.
He found solace in what he wrote. It was an attempt to discover who he was at the moment.
Words do not express thoughts very well. They always become a little different immediately after they are expressed, a little distorted, a little foolish.
I feel so incredibly alone. I feel my anxiety escalating uncontrollably. I’m transferring to a new college in a month, I’m just hoping so badly it will be an improvement. I don’t know anyone there, but that’s nothing new, I’ve moved so many times in the past few years where I haven’t known anyone and I’ve
survived.Sort of. If you call bingeing and purging 10x a day surviving anyway. And be hauled back to treatment, force-fed to gain 30 pounds.
Urges to binge and purge right now are at an all- time HIGH. I think I may just give in, it is tearing me apart inside. I can’t focus on anything when urges grow this intense. It’s as if I need to just do it in order to be able to think like a normal person again. Concentration has gone out the window, I sit here anxiety wrecking- havoc on me and growing ever more restless. I have a huge paper to write and a big test tomorrow, yet I know I won’t be able to concentrate unless I binge and purge. Ugh! I cannot even verbalize how completely sick I am of having an eating disorder. Day in, day out, same stupid shit. I just want to be normal. Honestly, I don’t even care anymore, I just want this to be over and out of my life.
gdjngkfngjk. I hate my life. I’m a useless failure.
Why can’t I stop this madness?