Death is a fascinating thing. The human mind continually returns and returns to death, to mortality, to immortality, damnation, salvation. Some fear death, some seek it but it is in our nature to wonder at the limits of human life, at least. When you are sick like this you begin to wonder too much. Death is at your shoulder, death is your shadow, your scent, your waking and dreaming companion. You cannot help, when sleep begins to touch your eyes, but think: What if? What if? And in that question, there is a longing, too much like the longing of a young girl in love.