Even as a child I felt two contradictory sentiments in my heart, the horror of life and the ecstasy of life.
— Charles Baudelaire, My Heart Laid Bare
Some things are too terrible to grasp at once. Other things - naked, sputtering, indelible in their horror - are too terrible to really grasp ever at all.It is only later, in solitude, in memory that the realization dawns: when the ashes are cold; when the mourners have departed; when one looks around and finds oneself - quite to one’s surprise - in an entirely different world.
— ― Donna Tartt, The Secret History