Profound melancholia is a day-in, day-out, night-in, night-out, almost arterial level of agony. It is a pitiless unrelenting pain that affords no window of hope, no alternative to a grim and brackish existence, and no respite from the cold undercurrents of thought and feeling that dominate the horribly restless nights of despair.
+ kay jamison + an unquiet mind + depression + despair + melancholy + low + bipolar + agony + existence + restless + unrelenting + hopeless + eating disorders + trapped
And even when you’re ready to let go. When you’re ready to break free. When you’re ready to be brand-new. Loneliness is an old friend standing beside you in the mirror, looking you in the eye, challenging you to live your life without it. You can’t find the words to fight yourself, to fight the words screaming that you’re not enough, never enough, never ever enough. Loneliness is a bitter, wretched companion. Sometimes it just won’t let go.
+ depression + loneliness + lonely + alone + isolated + detatched + eating disorders + anorexia + bulimia + eating disorder + fight + enough + good enough + struggle + recovery
Loneliness is a strange sort of thing. It creeps up on you, quiet and still, sits by your side in the dark, strokes your hair as you sleep. It wraps itself around your bones, squeezing so tight you almost can’t breathe. It leaves lies in your heart, lies next to you at night, leeches the light out from every corner. It’s a constant companion, clasping your hand only to yank you down when your struggling to stand up.
+ loneliness + companion + darkness + struggling + depression + eating disorder + isolated + dark + lonely
Aww thank you love, I’m glad you can relate (and sorry).
I would never be a part of anything. I would never really belong anywhere, and I knew it, and all my life would be the same, trying to belong, and failing. Always something would go wrong. I am a stranger and I always will be.
+ alienated + alone + loneliness + independent + different + stranger + disconnected + belong
I wonder why I don’t go to bed and go to sleep. But then it would be tomorrow, so I decide that no matter how tired, no matter how incoherent I am, I can skip one hour more of sleep and live.
She cannot avoid carrying out the act, except at the price of an unbearable anxiety, which she has to face in two different moments, when she binges and when she vomits … An act carried out for its own sake, that is from some hidden compulsion to empty oneself independently of the act of filling oneself up. Only in order to avoid exploding from anxiety.
+ bulimia + anorexia + binge + purge + vomit + compulsion + empty + anxiety + exploding + unbearable + fill + avoid + urge + overwhelming
But we are alone, darling child, terribly, isolated from each other; so fierce is the world’s ridicule we cannot speak or show our tenderness; for us, death is stronger than life, it pulls like a wind through the dark, all our cries burlesqued in joyless laughter; and with the garbage of loneliness stuffed down us until our guts burst bleeding green, we go screaming round the world, dying in our rented rooms, nightmare hotels, eternal homes of the transient heart.
+ loneliness + depression + isolated + alienated + ridicule + world + nigtmare
